Busy busy!

Hey everyone! I've been super busy lately, so no post has been made and I do apologize. Working two jobs has not been easy, seeing as how I work 6 days a week and at all different hours - no set schedule. It makes things difficult, to say the least. However, I have to do what I have to do in order to make things work.

I got my first license plate renewal in the mail the other day. HOLY CRAP are license plates expensive! I was shocked to see that price and my first thought was "do I really need this car?" haha. Of course, I know I do, but it's still the thought that pops in my head. I just can't get over how expensive having a car is right now. Gas prices aren't cheap at all and now the license plate renewal. I guess I'll just have to live with it for right now.

I've been more active on Xbox 360 recently, and have been improving my game. Wow, that makes me sound like a nerd, but that's what happens when you're a gamer girl. I joined this clan called "Orion Gaming Community" and it's been a lot of fun. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but it's seriously the nicest clan I've ever been in. There's no favoritism, which I love! I'd been in a clan that showed some favoritism, and I was just lucky that I was one of the two girls in the clan and was a favorite because of that haha. But this clan has ranks and events and it's just a lot of fun. I've been a part of it for two months now and it feels like family. If you'd like to check us out: www.oriongc.org is our website and you can look around.

Bit of Exciting News

Well, today at work I had some pretty cool news come up. I got pulled away from work by my boss and I immediately thought "Oh no, what have I done now?" Ha, but it was good news! He asked me if I wanted to stay on and work on another project for the company! Well, of course, this made me extremely happy. I told him that I would, for sure, be interested in staying.
Then, I find out that I'm the only temp staying with the permanent employees. Wow, not going to lie, that makes me feel really good. It's definitely an encouragement to see that my butt-busting, hard work is finally paying off. Hopefully it will continue!
I also found out that there's a full-time, permanent position coming available within a couple weeks. And so, hopefully, I will be considered for that! It's a very difficult thing to get into the full-time positions, just because the company is small - so it will take a lot more butt-busting to get in there! But, with a little confidence (more like a ton of confidence) and hard work, I believe I can do it! And, apparently, a couple of people at work think I can too so that makes me feel really good.
Needless to say, my coworkers totally made my day! Hugs and kudos to all of them!

Well, the last couple weeks have been strenuous with my car. Thankfully, it's now working better and will, hopefully, keep working until I can get something different. Otherwise, I have no idea what I'd do...

Well, a little bit more good news! (See how I do this? Put bad stuff in between the good - trying to balance it out?) I have been losing weight - which I have been trying to do for so long now! I decided that I wouldn't put so much stress on myself to lose weight this year. A lot of times, I find myself stressing about losing weight and being "perfect" and it never happens when you're trying to be a "perfect" weight or anything. So, I decided I would just eat better and such and see what happens. As it turns out, I have lost 15 pounds so far this year! And, for me, that's a major accomplishment! And I'm hoping to continue to lose more weight! The working full-time and eating better has definitely helped. I've also been almost three months without a soda....which hasn't been easy, but it's also better for me in the long run!

Time to Move On

Well, a lot has been going on since I last posted. My emotions have been all over the place over the last, well, almost month. Tomorrow, it will be one month since I divorced my ex. To be fairly honest, my emotions have been all over before that, but that's beside my point.

I've finally realized that I'm not afraid to move on. I'm not afraid to live my life and continue on the way that I know I should be. It's taken me a while, feeling like I've been held back by some imaginary chains, belts, and bars. I didn't know why I felt this way and then it hit me: I was afraid to live my life and move on to better things.

I have dreams that I want to live out - that I want to pursue. I can't do that if these imaginary bars are holding me back! I need to just let it all go and move on.

I'm so thankful to have friends and family behind me on this. One friend in particular. She has been by my side through it all and I couldn't thank her enough. I knew I could count on her with everything and she and I have been hanging out a lot more and helping each other through tough times. She's my best friend/sister and I love her to death for her support and shoulder to cry on.

I do wonder why it took me so long to realize that I can move on with my life and not keep looking over my shoulder. I know my ex isn't. He's probably off loving life as of right now. And I shouldn't let anything stop me from doing the same.

Yes, I have forgiven him, but I'm not going to back-peddle back into the relationship or anything. He and I didn't work out and I don't think that I should tear my heart apart any more than it already is by throwing myself into the lion's den by getting back into a relationship that I know is going to fail.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

This week has just seemed to drag on. It feels like it should be a Friday. Does it feel that way to anyone else, or is it just me? Also, I'm just extremely sore from work this week. It's odd because I'm not normally this sore. However, Friday is only two days away!

This weather is also messing with my arthritis! WOW! First we have freezing temperatures and major snow, and now we're up around the 50's? What is Mother Nature thinking?! Ha, anyway....now we're suppose to have flooding. Hopefully we don't have a repeat of last year, however. I don't think the people that live down near the river would appreciate that very much.

Well, I just ordered my ticket to go see Tim Hawkins (my favorite comedian, for those of you that don't know) live, in concert, on March 23rd. I love how they call it "in concert" for a comedian...however, he does do some singing, so I guess it works out. This will be my second time seeing him live, and I'm really excited! I'll have to watch all of his videos before-hand to prepare me for this awesomeness :)

Getting Back to "Normal"

Well, not going to lie - it's weird going back to my maiden name again. Seeing it on any mail that comes my way or anything is EXTREMELY weird! It's nice, but weird.

I've been busy the last couple weeks, work and all. But it's also been nice to hang out with some friends and family that I haven't seen in a while, for whatever reason there was. I couldn't really just hang out with them without my ex texting me or calling me the whole time wondering when I was coming home or what I was doing or who I was with or, again, when I was coming home. It made me feel trapped. If he had just come with me, we wouldn't have had this problem.

You know how you'll be listening to the radio and a song comes on that completely and totally goes with how you're feeling right then and there? Yeah, that's been happening to me. A lot. Almost every song I hear on the radio right now explains the situation or goes with the situation and it's totally weird. But I just sing my heart out and go with it! It starts to get old when every song on the radio goes with my mood, however.

Valentine's day....gee....where do I begin? Well, I'll be happy when all those Valentine's day commercials are off the radio - they got old after the first two days they were on and that was almost three weeks ago. Plus, I'll be happy when all the "love is in the air!" is out of here too. Normally, I'm not one to be a "kill joy" but when you just go through a divorce and have to hear about how everyone else's boyfriend/fiancee/husband are perfect, it's just kind of disgusting and it makes me feel worse. And that's not their fault, it's just my stupid emotions right now.

Here's a song that's really been speaking to me right now, as well! Enjoy!

It's Official!

Well, it's official! I'm a divorced woman now. Divorce court was at 10:30am and it was, literally, done in ten minutes. That was the FASTEST court session I have ever seen. Who knew, right?

What are my feelings about this whole thing? Well, they're back and forth, honestly. In one aspect, I'm relieved that the whole thing is done and over. On the other hand, I'm completely heartbroken. He let me go way too easy and with no fight. And, he also doesn't want to accept any responsibility at all...which is definitely not right by any means.

Thankfully, I didn't have to answer a bunch of questions at court today. I answered a few, acknowledging that things were irreconcilable and a few more. I'm just glad I didn't have to go into detail about the whole thing because it's embarrassing. Yes, it SHOULD be embarrassing for him...but it's even more embarrassing for me! No, I'm not going to go into detail about everything that was wrong in our marriage, but it's just embarrassing and I'm glad it's done and over. 

So enough about that....how does everyone feel about this snow that's going on? Crazy, right? The worst part about it is that I'll have to get out and shovel late tonight before bed because I have to be at work at 7am and so I'll have to leave by about 6am. And I really don't want to be out shoveling at that time. So, hopefully, Mother Nature stops this storm so I don't have to deal with it. Meanwhile, stay inside! Don't get out there in it and drive around! That's not smart. Ha, I say that, and yet I'm going out to dinner tonight with my family....at least it's here in town and only about 4-5 blocks down the road.

Here's a picture from this morning right before court of my mom and I - hope you enjoy it! :) I'm the one in green and she's the one in orange!

Torn in Two

A lot of emotions have been running through me recently. One minute, my heart's saying:
"Cause I don’t wanna lose you now

I’m lookin’ right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart

Is a space that now you hold

Show me how to fight for now

And I’ll tell you, baby, it was easy

Comin’ back here to you once I figured it out

You were right here all along”
And then it's saying:
"We are never ever getting back together, 

We are never ever getting back together, 

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me 

But we are never ever ever ever getting back together."

If you don't know these songs, they're: Mirrors by Justin Timberlake and We Are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift.

Needless to say, emotions suck....

Long Time No Post

So, I will be the first to admit that I have not posted in a while. And, for that, I apologize.

I have been going through a lot these last few....well, months, honestly. The reason for that is because I am going through a divorce. Thankfully, and hopefully, the divorce will be completely over and finished on Tuesday (February 4).
That being said, I'm just relieved that it's almost over. Now, you may ask, why are you so callused about it?
I, honestly, don't have an answer for that. I guess it's mostly just because of all the stuff I've been through.

On a happier note - I now have a full-time job!! I'm working my first "big girl" job and it's Monday through Friday! I also have a part-time job that I work on Saturdays. Needless to say - I'm going to be one busy busy girl! Someday, I may switch to only the full-time job, but it's nice to have a little extra cash to throw towards bills or in my gas tank.

I've also moved back in with my mom....actually, that was almost a year ago, but hey - I haven't posted in over a year, so I'm throwing it out there now. It's nice to be back in my small, tiny town where I can run into someone who knows my family. As the saying goes, you can take a girl out of the small town, but you can never take the small town out of the girl. And, oh is that saying true! But, hey, it's nice to be near family and friends again - especially during this hard time.

Okay - so I have a question. How long do goldfish usually live? Isn't it only like a year, if that? Because, seriously, my goldfish are, like, ancient now. Two of my three goldfish are over a year old. I got them when I was living in Indiana for a while and that was early January of 2013. And it's now February 1, 2014 and those goldfish are still alive and flipping. (Yes, I did just say "flipping" instead of "kicking")

I've also become practically obsessed with a TV show. I don't usually become obsessed with movies or TV shows, or really anything like that. Books, maybe, but not usually TV shows. It's called Heartland. And, I must admit, it's pretty awesome. Drama, comedy, family, action...pretty much everything mixed together. I'm following their website as well....it can be found right here on this link. Right now, I'm kind of upset because the show is put on hold because of some....sports games. Can you believe it, sports! Ha, anyway, it's coming back on air on March 9th!

Speaking of sports, the superbowl is tomorrow...how does everyone feel about that? Who's playing again? Oh, that's right....the Seahawks and Broncos. I've seen many "memes" and jokes about how the superbowl is just going to see who can get higher than the next because of their bills being passed concerning marijuana. I'm going to be completely honest here, I don't really care who wins the superbowl. I usually only watch it with friends...and I usually only watch it to see the commercials. Needless to say, I'm not much of a "sports fan". Yes, I know, how lame, right? Well, that's me - lame, I suppose. I'm just more into getting out there with friends and socializing, rather than sitting home and watching a game. "Well you just said you're obsessed with a TV show, how is football any different?" Well...I usually watch the TV show after work or on a Sunday when my mom and I are home spending quality time together.

As many people do, I have made some New Year's Resolutions. One of them is going to be "finalized" (hopefully) on Tuesday and then I can start with my others. 2014 is going to be a fresh, clean slate for me. A lot of what I have said today may just be ramblings of an Artist, but this paragraph is more of a real-life, let's talk, kind of paragraph. A lot of people make resolutions about weight, looks, relationships. Some people keep those resolutions and drop a bunch of weight, go with a major hair-style change that they later regret, or change their style of clothing, piercings, the way they do their make-up, etc. Well, I can honestly say that I have made some that are going to be difficult for me to keep, but I have a great support system that may help me.
One of these resolutions is: drop back down to the weight I was in high school. Yes, it's a weight resolution....but it's also for medical reasons.
Another is: Pay off all my debt.
Another: Start over with a completely new, clean slate in my life. I'm not going to continue to be manipulated by people or let people run my life. I'm going to be my own person from now on. And that starts now. In 2014.
So, I ask you - what are some of your New Year's Resolutions?

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Much Love,
Nikki.